​Losing a dog or pet is different to human grief and many of us struggle to cope with it.

However and whenever it happens, it’s devastating for us to lose our canine family members. Dogs and humans have such a shared evolutionary history and we have grown to love them as they have us. Dogs understand our psychology better than some humans. The heartbreak of losing our dogs is a complex experience, made more difficult by certain societal expectations and ideas about how a person should grieve a beloved pet.

A unique bond

Dogs and humans share a unique bond – it’s proven. When we touch them, our bodies release oxytocin ‘the love hormone’, dogs have evolved to communicate better with humans and joint human/dog graves date as far back as 14,000 years. Native cultures revere dogs and wolves.

The relationship we share with our dogs is different from human-human relationships. It’s pure in a way that human relationships can never be, because of expectations. Dogs give love unconditionally in a way humans often can’t achieve. And so, when that love and loyalty suddenly goes away after years of spending everyday together, it can feel like a knife to the heart.

Shame and societal expectations

To add to that devastation of dog loss, dog parents often feel a sense of shame if they are seen to be grieving too deeply for their dog. There can sometimes be a lack of empathy from social circles, especially those family and friends who have never felt the sting of dog loss. 

Comments like “why don’t you get another dog?” are absurd to someone grieving a dog. A dog you’ve shared a life with isn’t easily replaceable. You might begin to question your grief or ask yourself if you really should be feeling so heartbroken. Some deaths aren’t recognised or supported in society; pets are one of those. 

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Give in memoriam to help street dogs

Loneliness

Grieving a dog can be extremely lonely because of that lack of societal recognition and empathy. And if your dog was your sole companion at home, that loneliness can feel hard to bear. And with others questioning why you’re not recovering quickly, you can feel isolated.

Luckily pet bereavement support is becoming more popular and more available. Finally society is recognising that grief for a furry family member is equal to the pain of losing a human loved one. 

Euthanasia guilt

This is a tough one. And it’s a topic that is explored in the podcast about grief The Day After. How do you know when it’s the right time? The guilt of euthanising your beloved companion is crushing. But so is waiting too long and potentially watching them suffer an uncomfortable ending. What’s the right thing to do?

So many dog owners wrangle with this question and we’re only just beginning to see the legalisation of human euthanasia and peoples’ right to die with dignity. It’s a very complex and heart wrenching topic, and although your vet can advise you, ultimately you have to make the decision as the person responsible for your dog’s care.

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Uncertainty around pet death rituals

Depending on your geographical location, how your dog’s death, remains and memorial are dealt with can vary wildly. In many countries, cremation and burial are options but you may not get the choice. How vets deal with your dog’s passing can be pivotal in how you come to terms with it and how you grieve.

Having a professional talk to you with compassion and offer you help with practicalities can make all the difference. Having a memorial or a place where you scatter the ashes or have a burial can give the owner a lot of peace and a place to come back to to remember and even talk with their deceased pet.

As a society we have a long way to go in terms of how we view dog bereavement and people going through it. In many mythologies around the world, people believe that dogs wait for us in the afterlife to help us navigate it. So it’s only right that we give them a respectful and dignified send off, and to cherish them even after they’re gone. 

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